HATE
I hate you for saying sweet things to me, like that I am beautiful.
I hate you for touching me tenderly and holding me while I slept.
I hate you for saying you wanted that picture of me.
I hate you for standing me up. AGAIN.
I hate you for making me cry.
I hate myself for being excited about our stupid date.
I hate myself for working so hard and so fast to get off early for you.
I hate myself for calling you to see where you were. And finally discovering you turned your phone off.
I hate myself for crying, for being sad, for being heartbroken.
I hate myself for being vulnerable.
I hate myself for having hope.
I hate myself for believing in someone else.
I hate myself for missing you.
Fucking tears.
I hate you for saying sweet things to me, like that I am beautiful.
I hate you for touching me tenderly and holding me while I slept.
I hate you for saying you wanted that picture of me.
I hate you for standing me up. AGAIN.
I hate you for making me cry.
I hate myself for being excited about our stupid date.
I hate myself for working so hard and so fast to get off early for you.
I hate myself for calling you to see where you were. And finally discovering you turned your phone off.
I hate myself for crying, for being sad, for being heartbroken.
I hate myself for being vulnerable.
I hate myself for having hope.
I hate myself for believing in someone else.
I hate myself for missing you.
Fucking tears.
1 Comments:
Negative X says:
You are too young at heart for your own good. Your heart is a fickle and capricious thing, and you put too much value into it. Emotions should be an input into your logical, reasoning mind, not the other way around. You are the only one you can rely on. You are the only one you can trust. Anyone who says different is either trying to sell you something or trying to sleep with you. You cannot expect others to consider your feelings, and even you should view emotion with distrust. Learn to take charge of your Self before you entrust it to others. Especially me.
You are better at waiting than you give yourself credit for. I imagine this applies to many areas of your life. Gain the confidence of non-chalance. What will be will be, whether you will it or not. The only thing to control is the Self.
Continue waiting, for now is still not the time. I am sorry, but I will not email you directly, nor will I respond in any other way than ambiguously and clandestinely.
Remove my posts from public view if you like. I would like to see you respond with some measure of progress, though I expect it too to be non-specific in its address.
-x
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