Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Methinks that I have been over at Hamster Time too much.  I haven't been updating!  Or God forbid, I am actually working.  Which I actually have been.  Meds must me working.

They actually ARE working!  I wasn't sure if they were doing what they are supposed to do, but I was only able to take 1/2 my normal dose yesterday and man I was FUCKED UP.  All day.  Until I went to Starbuck and got a mocha.  Then I felt better.  I guess the extra stimulants helped balance me out.  Had I known that, I would have slammed a Red Bull.  I miss my Two Red Bull A Day Makes Hammie A Happy Girl routine.  HL went and picked up my RX for me yesterday so I am back on track.  I was supposed to have an appointment with Doc D. to see how the meds are going, but both Boss' said no.  I asked for the morning off so I wouldn't have to drive round trip downtown twice(since Doc D is near my house) and they said they couldn't spare me.  So I have been really busy this morning right.  Except not.  I was frustrated about it yesterday but I am over it today.

I have lost 7 or so pounds in three weeks.  I discovered that my meds are used for weight loss also so I am not freaking out too much of the extreme side effect of having NO appetite.  I have taken to slamming protein shakes to make sure I am getting some nutrition.  I have also been on the elliptical trainer for 45 mins, 4 or 5 days a week.  It's fun watching the scale going down,down, down!

Testing for my high brown belt on Friday.  I can't wait.

HammieLove and I had such a great talk last night.  I don't know what it was or why last night, but we were able to really discuss how I was feeling when I left him and how he felt.  He said that he felt like he was letting me down by not being "that guy" who wanted to get married right away.  I made a "Five Year Plan" when I fell in love with him and it is not going the way I planned.  I should be married by now according to my plan, but in reality, I wouldn't have it any other way and let him know that.  We talked about marriage and getting engaged.  I asked if he looked at rings on his own (since we went together on my birthday).  He told me to ask Genny (who was my best friend).  I told him that G told me he had put money down on one.

* HL stunned silence* 

"She told you that?  I told her not to tell you!"

*Hammie stunned silence*

"I thought she was lying."

I guess I was wrong!  He said the plan is still the same, but the schedule has changed.  I am okay with waiting .  I definitely want it to happen after he feels more secure with me since my fuck-up.  Which was not really a fuck-up just a fucking wake-up call (for both of us).  He said that even though we were both miserable, he is glad that it happened because it has made us stronger.  He said that I am different now and he thinks that the breakdown motivated me to get help.

I have never been so happy with where I am in life as I am right now.  Life would just be perfect if I could have all my friends with me on the same page.

No word from Genny in months.  She said "Don't bother" and I haven't.  She is moving to NH in three weeks and I think that our friendship has died.  A lot of people have told me that she is no good for me and I can see their point.  That doesn't stop me from missing her though.

Que sera sera, right?

I am Happy Hammie right now and the whole world is the bright side.  There are worse things to be right?



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