Friday, April 07, 2006


I am such a stubborn and prideful person.

Okay, so I knew almost as soon as I hit the Washington State line that I had made a mistake. But HL had already moved on and started dating someone else so I dug my heels in and convinced myself that I could make my new relationship work.

Todd's mood swings were so out of control. I think that we got ourselves into too much of an overwhelming situation and didn't know what to do about it. When things were good, they were great but when they were bad...

I didn't move to WA to be unhappy. I started realizing that what I really needed was to be independent. I have been with HL my entire adult life. I have never really dated. I have never been self sufficient. I need to find out who I am before I can expect to be with someone else.

And if I am going to do that, I want to do it in California. With my friends and my karate studio.

So I made the decision at about noon on Tuesday that I was leaving Todd and moving back to California. By three I was packed and on the road. I drove 20 hours straight and made it home by 11:30 on Wednesday.

I have had tearful discussion with HL about the state of our relationship. We are going to be friends but take time to really explore other relationships with other people. If in six months or so, we re-evaluate and see that we still love each other, we might try dating again.

Until then, I am SINGLE bitches! Woot! Look out boys...

Meg has been keeping my spirits up and she took me to the beach last night. Where we met some really cool people from AZ. We went to their hotel and partied all night.

All I have to say about that is thank you god for hot, young, hardbodied guys from AZ. Thank you.

It is weird to know that I can hook up with no guilt. I will check out a guy and realize, "Hey, I can date him!" It is also really cool though. I am like a kid in a candy store.

Or a fox in the henhouse... :)

For the first time in my life, I am free to do whatever I want WHENEVER I want. No checking in, no obligations. I am sure I am going to get sick of it eventually, but until then...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are an idiot.

4:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Boyz from AZ, huh? It still hurts.

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its funny that you say you can hook up with no guilt now.
So were you guilty when you hooked up, broke my heart, threw away 7 years, and destroyed everything that we had?

Stubborn and Prideful are not words I would have used. Careless, selfish, mean.

Was having someone at home who cared about you and wanted you to check in so terrible? When you were begging to come home, I thought you were serious.

Still trying to figure you out,

5:22 PM  

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