I got home from spending the weekend at the beach with some new friends to find my roommate deflating my air mattress and rifling through my stuff. He said the new roomie was moving in today and I had to get all of my stuff out. He also took the $100 that I "owed" him out of my tip jar. I was so pissed. I was technically paid up until tomorrow and he had NO RIGHT to go in my room. He just sat there and watched me lug all my stuff to my car. WHAT THE FUCK?

I was an hour and a half late for work (which was cool since I called) and then I ran out of gas on my way there. It has not been my day today.

*sigh*

Unstable

Argh.

I paid my roommate my rent for July and he in turn did not pay rent to the apartment complex. AND he basically told me that he wasn't going to be able to pay rent so we were going to get evicted. THEN his solution was to find one of his friends that could come up with a couple of grand for advance rent -- so the gist of the situation is in order to keep an eviction off of my credit, I have to move out and let this other guy move in.

So yeah, I pay my rent and I have to move anyway. How fucked is that?

And oh, I had a whole week to find a place.

My mom wants me to move to Idaho. My sister wants me to move to Arizona. Jonny wants me to move to England (which is definitely my top choice. I just can't afford to right now.) AZ is a good choice because I can definitely afford my own one bedroom apartment. Then I think about buying furniture and dishes and I panic. I really really really like the fact that I can fit everything I own into my car. I am completely mobile and not tied down or committed to anyone or anything. I LOVE THAT. I could decide to move on tomorrow, just pick up a drive.

Flip a coin. Heads Carolina, Tails California. (I love that song.) Maybe Boston? (Just kidding.)

I think I found a place in Esco. The guy is nice, if not a little nerdy. The apartment is nice and clean and the room is a decent size. Rent is same as what I am paying now, so I know I can afford it. Hopefully it will pan out.

Everyone is worried about me but they don't need to be. I don't worry much about these things. I am healthy, happy and free. I am capable of working anywhere and doing anything... I am a lot more resourceful than people give me credit for and I am kind of enjoying living on this little edge.

It's about time I got this wanderlust out of my system anyway. London first, then where?

Can I just say?



Cutest. Face. Ever.

Never fails to bring a smile to my face!

*giggle*

Frustration

I never thought my feelings were going to be this strong.

I never thought about how crazy our situation was.

I never thought about how terrified I would be that you would find someone else.

Now I know and I'm scared.

Mundane

Life has been boring lately, just a little. Work, work, work mostly.

Oh except I had 5 of the last seven days off...my sister is in town. That was a hit to the pocketbook but I definitely enjoyed the time!

So what did I do on my days off?

Had dinner out on Saturday night, hung out with my friend Simon on Sunday...um...went to the beach with Meagan on Monday night. We met some really cool people there and hung out watching people get spots at 2 am for the fireworks show that night. I wish I could have stayed out all night with them and partied all the next day, but I had family obligations.

The Fourth was def an interesting day. I have been sort of dreading it since HL and I broke up. It is a big tradition with my sister and her family. We have been going to the same park and watching the same fireworks for years. It has been a great tradition and I always look forward to it -- until this year. HL and his new girl were going to be there with us and I knew THAT was going to awkward.

I had contemplated bringing a date but then I thought that would hurt HL's feelings. I am not sure he is quite ready to see me with another guy.

My sis was on her way to pick me up (I had two flat tires...they are fixed now, much to the detriment of my England fund.) and she called and told me that HL wasn't coming because his girl had decided she didn't want them to hang out with me. I immediately got on the phone to call him and SHE answered his phone. Woo hoo.

The gist of the conversation was me telling her that we needed to be adults about the whole situation. While awkward, our nieces were looking forward to seeing all of us and we needed to put their interests ahead of our own. I told her that I was NO threat to her relationship, that the SEVEN YEAR HammieLove chapter of my life was OVER and I had hoped we could all proceed on a friendly basis.

So they came, we chatted a bit (she thanked me for calling her), HL and I barely spoke and we all watched fireworks.

Then I went home and cried because it was difficult for me to deal with being alone on one of my favorite holidays. But that's my life now, so I have to deal.

The next day I had a message on My Space from the girlfriend thanking me for taking the awkardness out of the situation. I responded in kind and was buoyed at the thought of this whole insecurity thing blowing over.

Ah, but I spoke too soon. When I called over to see if I could borrow HL's air compressor to fix my tire, she blew a gasket. Went all psycho on him and went home. He came over with my brother in law and fixed my tire anyway. What the poor girl doesn't realize is she is going to drive him away with that behavior. I'll get the blame for that too, I suppose.

So my evaluation of his new girl? She's two faced and I want to punch her in the head.

In other news, Jonny got back from his holiday in Morocco. I cried when I saw he was online. Funny how you can miss seeing someone's face so much. I wrangled the mail key away from Eric and lo and behold, there was a package from England! Jonny sent me a white England jersey to match his, a little jersey with "Kay" on the back for my car, an AWESOME mix CD that I have been playing non stop (much to the chagrin of my roomie) and some pictures. Oh and best of all, a video of him reading an article about football -- which is in response to me always saying that he would sound sexy reading me the weather. :) And the jersey smells of his cologne, so I have something nice to sniff before I go to bed! I stuck one of his pictures in my order book for work and it makes me smile every time I open it ( a million times a night). It is such a good reminder to me of why I am working so hard. I've got to get to England!

I feel like a schoolgirl with a rock star crush! *blush*

Other than that, I have been content to stay in and play my guitar or read my book. The dating scene is getting really old, really fast. I have rain checks out with three or four guys right now but I just can't get motivated to make dates. What's the point? Another first date...I am just so over it right now.

Oh and Big Brother started! Another summer of being addicted to Hamster Time! Woot!