Things are going well in Washington. There is definitely an "getting to know you" adjustment thing going on. Which is normal because we have only known each other for about four weeks now but weird because we live together.

I have to remember to not buy multi grain bread and to make sure to pick up after myself. And I am a slob, so the cleaning is a new thing. A welcome thing, but a new one. I am rather proud of myself but it is an easy thing to do with help and easier since I work out of the house.

I love all of our dogs but I miss my cats dearly. Like more than I ever thought I would miss them. I keep hinting about TRYING to introduce a kitten to the dogs but everyone seems to think that they would snack on it. I'll keep trying...

I miss HL more than I thought I would too. That is a whole 'nother adjustment. But when you think about it, I have been with him almost my entire adult life. I had my ENTIRE life planned around him. Movies, songs, TV shows all remind me of him. So I get sad a lot. And try not to show it because that is unnecessary drama but I am still sad.

I know all the haters are saying "You did this to yourself bitch!" Yeah, I know. I recognize that. Just because I deserve it doesn't mean that I am not going to feel the hurt.

Especially when I got the iTunes receipt of the love songs that HL was putting on a CD for his new girlfriend. That stung.

And yes, he has a new girlfriend. He had her about 20 hours after I left. An ex of his that he had talked to a couple of times last year. His family loves her (where they hated me) and apparently she is the best thing since sliced bread.

Which is awesome for him. Really.

So I am lying in the bed that I made. It is not the most comfortable bed but I am content to do my time.

Besides the sadness and the guilt, I am very happy. Todd is so affectionate and loving. He believes in me like no one else ever has. He makes me happy and keeps me happy in every way and I am glad that I am here.

When I have time, I will post about culture shock because OH MAN, did I get culture shocked!

What Happens in Vegas?

Hold on to your seats folks...

I had to go to Vegas last week for a trade show for work. We got there on Friday to see the 311 concert at UNLV (which was AWESOME!!!) Having never partied in Vegas before, over the weekend when I didn't have to work, I did my share of partying with guys that I met from Australia, who showed me an awesome time at some of the clubs around the Strip. Thanks Team Australia!!

Monday rolled around and the show started. I wore these awful impractical heels and my feet were DYING by the time five o'clock rolled around and I could take the shoes off. I was griping about my feet, apparently pretty loudly because that lead to what comes next.

Later that night I was on my own and I rolled into the lounge at the Stardust. I took a seat at the bar and ordered my martini. There were two guys sitting a seat away from me and one of them looked over and asked me if my feet still hurt. I laughed and asked if they were at the show too. They were and actually had the booth across the aisle from me. The one who talked to me introduced himself as Jake and then he introduced his boss, Todd. That introduction changed my life.

Todd and I started talking and we immediately hit it off. I did something then that I have never done before. I omitted the fact that I had a boyfriend. We just hung out, going in the hot tub, hitting New York New York for drinks. I ended up spending the night in their room with Todd. Not WITH Todd, if you get my drift, but with him enough to be doing something wrong.

The next day I told him the truth about my boyfriend and we had some serious discussion over breakfast and some seriously smoldering looks at the show. More discussion later that night and I then made the decision --dead fucking sober mind you--to sleep with him.

Look I know that it was the wrong thing and I know that I have no defense for what I did and I don't put up one. I went with my heart.

We spent Wednesday together in agony because I was going home that night. Todd asked me to come home with him and I told him that I had to go home and clear my head. We parted with heartbreaking tears and kisses.

When HL plugged in my dead cell phone after I got home, he noticed some messages from Todd and my time to clear my head was cut short when I told him the truth...

And destroyed him.

He lost his mind, rightfully so. It tears me up inside to think of what I did to him. Especially since I got to walk away to a new life.

Todd flew me back to Vegas that afternoon and I drove with him and Jake back to Northern Washington. I now live in a log cabin by a creek that is heated by a woodstove and three Great Danes. Todd runs his business out of the house and I will be his number one sales girl.

Some of my family has disowned me and most of my friends have sided with HL. I am being told that I am being selfish. I AM BEING SELFISH. Being selfless would have left in a forever what if situation. I am being wildly impulsive but every cell in my body is telling me that I am doing the right thing.

Unfortunately, I have hurt a kind, loving, wonderful guy and I deeply regret that. I hope that someday he will understand and forgive me. I never meant for this to happen and have no idea WHY it did....I only know that it did and I had to go with it.

For the world, judge me as you will. I have no defense for my actions and will not try to defend myself. I only have my heart and head and will live with the consequences of my actions. I will never wonder what if, and if I am wrong, will mourn the loss of love.

But I will NEVER have to say that I settled.

I am really drunk right now. At three o clock. On a Wednesday. At work.


THIS IS FUN!!! I LOVE MY JOB....

We went out for a celebration because we more than doubled last month's gross in sales.

Plus I leave on Friday for a week for a trade show.... where I will continue to be drunk in Vegas. With strippers apparently.

I love my job.