Friday, August 13, 2004

I am so frustrated with my job right now that I want to scream, cry and quit. I have very high pressure sales assistant job that requires ALOT of organization. It is really not a good job for an ADHD person, but I have managed. My boss' are aware of my ADHD but the don't really understand.

LadyBoss is out of town in Hawaii and she left behind a ton of high priority stuff, namely a $500 million closing. There have also been problems with the 8 projects we have in Nevada, not to mention day to day management of her clients. Even when she is not on vacation, LadyBoss uses about 80% of my time.

BossMan KNOWS that she uses the majority of my time and to make up for it, he thinks of mundane, incosequential things for me to do -RIGHT NOW- so he feels like he is getting his share of my time. Most of the time, I have to move his stuff down my list because it is not as high of a priority.

This week he has been ALL over me about stuff. Asking me the same question four times in a row and wondering WHY I snapped at him. I know he is the boss and I am the assistant but he has no concept of how overwhelmed I am. I didn't do one thing for him yesterday (I was doing it a different way and forgot to tell him) and today I got the "We need to talk." He took me into the HR office (and our HR Manager is the BIGGEST gossip. She totally betrays the confidence of everyone who comes to her.) and told me that my tardiness, backtalk and lack of focus were really concerning him. The lack of focus left me flabbergasted. Well, DUH. I am working on it and it has gotten a lot better but he doesn't use me enough to see it. I have managed LadyBoss' affairs flawlessly since she has been gone. I might not be focused on him because I have a $500 million crisis going on. I know I need to work on the backtalk. I get frustrated and the filter between brain and mouth doesn't work so well. The tardiness I need to work on, but I have such a problem going to sleep that waking up is really hard! I always make up my time and actually have comp time on the books because I rarely take a lunch.

I just got so frustrated with him. I told him that I am trying as hard as I can. He needs to communicate to me when things are important and I need deadlines so I can schedule my time better. I asked him to stop asking me the same question over and over. I also asked him to read "Driven to Distraction." There is a section for employers. I want him to understand at least a little bit what I am going through. He was one of the ones that said "Oh everybody has ADD" when I told him. NO. THEY. DON'T. I told him that I didn't want him or anyone to think that I use my ADD as an excuse to be lazy, ditzy or irresponsible. I said I wished more than anything to be "normal" (at this point I began to cry). I am never going to be "normal." I am always going to be doing battle with my brain. I am always going to have to have a "system."

I wish there was a way to make them experience ADD. Like make them wear earphones all day that are playing a steady stream of a million thoughts over and over again. Tell them to work and focus with the background noise. Because my brain IS background noise. I heard someone say, "It's like an amusement park in your head."


On the bright side... I have most definitely lost 15 pounds since July 9th. *shakes her slightly thinner booty*


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