Memorial Day

I spent this holiday today honoring the fighting heroes of our United States Marine Corps...

By playing football and drinking beer with a whole lot of them at the beach! :)

What a fun day... I am some very cool people (and one very cute one!) and we just hung out and played football and volleyball all day. A perfect day at the beach.

Life has been pretty uneventful lately. Ever since breaking things off with Todd for good, I have been a dating machine. I figure that I need to meet people so I have pretty much been accepting most invitations. Some (ok, one) has not been pleasant, but that was easily handled. The rest have been really good. A couple of second dates happening this week and there has been one proposal already! (Ok, so he is from England and doesn't "know" me--and he is joking but it is flattering nevertheless. Cute British Boys are hot!)

Work is going well. I am making decent money and having fun with all my co-workers.

Besides that, it has been just sleeping, working, and partying. Not necessarily in that order, which is probably why I am so tired!

Biding My Time

Patience is not my greatest virtue.

I am aching.

If waiting is what is required, I will wait.

Impatiently.

Waiting

Nearly four AM and I am sitting once again waiting for the sun to come up.

I have been so restless lately.

What am I waiting for?

X

I want to talk to you.

I broke it off with Todd today.

There were certain things about our relationship that were becoming unhealthy. I saw some red flags and ignored them because he wanted me, dammit. But after two of my close friends pointed out the same things, I decided I needed my space. And with his reaction to that request, he pretty much sealed the deal on it.

So no move back to Washington and now, a total re-emergence into the singles scene. Again.

I have a date next week and tenative plans for two more this week. This is such an exhausting thing. It is fun to meet new people though. Or get in touch with old crushes from high school, which is what I did this week. We will see how that pans out. I kind of hope it does to some degree because he is an awesome guy (as far as I can tell. My judgement has been off lately.)

Now to work my ass off so I can AFFORD to live in San Diego! :)

XxX

Where are you?

I miss you.

Bored

And restless.

I am tired of liars, of players, of boys in general.

Simply restless.

Perception

Seeing yourself through someone else's eyes is always an enlightening experience. I got two different perspectives today.

My Sensei came in and had dinner at the restaurant today. I took his table even though it was on the opposite side of the restaurant from my section. My co-workers noticed that I was running myself ragged and through that, the ones who didn't know about my martial arts found out. Later in the night when we were doing our sidework, one of the other waitresses was laughing as she told me that she had thought I was this sweet, innocent young thing and tonight she finds out that I am a "gnarly" fighter and that I sell pipes as a second job. She said, "My first impression was WRONG!"

I had been kind of bothered by the fact that the normal playing around that happens in the back by the wait staff hadn't extended to me. I am super nice to everyone and I didn't understand why I felt like an outsider. A couple of the girls that I have hung out with outside of work explained that everyone viewed me as the innocent (which to anyone who knows me is completely laughable!) At least that explained that.

Then I went to a friend's house to hang out tonight and there was a girl there that I hadn't really talked to that much. We were out on the patio drinking and she told me that she had heard that I was standoffish and bitchy.

WHAT?

I realized that my shyness in some social situations and lack of experience with the party scene had come off as being "too good" for some people.

I don't know HOW to act like them. I don't want to come off as too crazy or out there. I HATE DRAMA, so I sit back and watch. Plus, my attention span doesn't lend to hanging out and conversing on things for too long.

I still have trouble reconciling in my mind that these fun, beautiful girls would actually WANT to hang out with me. That little girl that was shunned for so long in school still rears her ugly duckling head in my brain.

I don't know where I fit in. That is why I made the huge life shift that I made in the first place. That is why I am not with the man I love. I am supposed to be discovering myself.

It looks like it might be a longer journey than I had anticipated...